No Room to Question Why or What If?

Happy 4 weeks to the girls!!!! Only 2 days away from being a month old already! 

No Room to Question Why or What If!

Ever wonder why things happen? In the positives or the negatives? Especially during the hard times, the difficult situations and events life? I know I used. Key word - USED to. This pregnancy wasn't easy but it taught me one thing - don't question why! Don't ask yourself what if? And look at the positives that came out of a negative situation, event etc. Lets start from the beginning... Before we transferred our embryos in June, we had a total of 12 embryos. We decided to transfer 3 after our failed cycle in December 2012. Three days after my transfer I got a call that the remaining 9 did not make it to freezing and that we had lost them. I instantly started crying. I sobbed to my mother and cousin (Vero) for hours! I was so upset because all I could think about was that if those didn't make it then what were the chances that the three inside of me would make it? I doubted the treatment and the cycle. I was angry that we didn't have any embryos to freeze for back up - incase this cycle failed we would have some frozen embryos. I stressed myself out for days! All for nothing because 4 days later I tested and sure enough I was pregnant! It was that day that I learned my lesson of looking to much into the negatives. This is why - had any of the embryo's survived to freezing point I would have had to pay $750 for the first three months to store them plus an additional $250 every 3 months. If I did one or two embryos during a frozen embryo transfer then what of the rest? What if I never needed them? I would have to dispose of them at some point and well God made the decision for us in not allowing any to make it to freezing. See God knew that I would get pregnant and that I wouldn't need a frozen transfer in the future. He saved me a lot of money. I'll never forget my mother telling me these words, "Those extra embryos didn't make it because you're pregnant already and you won't need them." She only saw the positive possibility in what I saw was a negative situation. Then at 13 weeks I woke up bleeding and I went to the hospital. I was so scared that I was losing the triplets. I went with Tito, my Aunt Laura, my aunt Carmen and my uncle Martin. While I was having a 3 hour ultrasound that yielded no reason as to why I was bleeding, a family entered the emergency room and were placed right by me. The husband in the family suffered a heartache and died while in the emergency room with his family. My uncle Martin went over to them and comforted them with the word of God. I didn't know this until I came back to my room. I know my bleeding was scary and I could have sat there and complained to God and ask him why, but instead I thanked him because had this not happened to me, my uncle would have never been there to provide comfort to a family who had just lost a close member of their family. I'm I thinking to the extreme - absolutely not! Sometimes God places us in a hard situation only to be able to bless another person! Then of course you would think I had plenty of reason to ask God WHY... when I delivered at 25 weeks. Why did I have the rough delivery I had? Why couldn't we wait until my husband got there? Why couldn't I hold out for another week or so? Why, why? The Why's and the What Ifs are endless and yet I never ask either! God knew exactly what he was doing! So, what if I held on a little longer, for another week or more? The answer to that question would be that instead of celebrating I would be grieving the lose of Isabella and probably even Cianna. Why did the delivery happen so fast? Why couldn't we wait for Tito? Because at any second had I pushed even once I would have given birth vaginally to Hadassah and I would have lost Isabella and Cianna. How do I know this? Because Isabella and Cianna were both laying side ways in my belly and Isabella was completely wrapped in not only her umbilical cord but also in Cianna's cord. When Isabella came out her neck was flat - that's how tight the cord was around her neck. They never saw this in the ultrasounds and I had an ultrasound the day before I gave birth. My obgyn told me that if I even went three more days I would have lost Isabella and possibly Cianna. So although they came early and will be in the Nicu for a long time, God knew exactly what he was doing by bring them at 25weeks. Just three more days and I would have lost two of the three. I realize that sometimes we go through things that make us ask why? Sometimes we can't see the positives during the negative seasons at first glance but if you just give it time you'll see that God knows exactly why he does what he does in our lives. As I look back at my pregnancy I have no room to question why! Yes it was rough, it was crazy, emotional and so much more but the positives completely out weigh the negatives. I'm actually thankful for what I have gone through and I'm so much more hopeful for the future now. God wouldn't bring them early to save them and then for me to lose them - so these girls are coming home! They will continue to grow, and thrive and before we know it they will be here home, safe and sound and in my arms. Ok ok... in the arms of grandma, grandpa, daddy, aunts, uncles, cousins and mine ;) 

A Year Ago Today

Thought I would share with you all what a year can do... A year ago today, exactly on December 17th, 2012 I transferred two grade A embryos. The treatment cycle was supposed to be an IUI with injectable medications. That means I was taking injectable hormones to produce at least 2-3 follicles and then I would be inseminated close to or on ovulation day. However, I overstimulated and on December 13th, 2012 during a routine follicle check they decided to skip the insemination and instead retrieve the eggs and try in-vitro instead. Tito and I were very unprepared for the change in treatment. I was still working and couldn't take any time off. I was also finishing up my last semester for my Master's degree. I was stressed to the max, but still went ahead and did the In-vitro. So on December 17th, 2012 we went in and had two of our 5 embryo transferred. Two days later we got a call that our remaining three embryos did not make it to freezing and we lost them.  On December 29th, 2013 the blood test revealed that the embryos that were transferred did not stick and we were not pregnant. But here we are a whole year later celebrating our triplets being 4 weeks old! I never thought this day would come, but I'm so happy it has! 

Hadassah

Hadassah has had a great week! She got her chest tube taken out on December 11th. The steroids did wonders for her lungs. And she did so well that her settings on the ventilator came down greatly! So great that she was extubated on Saturday, December 14th, 2013 and is now on Cpap!!!! Praise the Lord! She did have a few hiccups with her milk feedings during the week. She stopped peeing and pooping so the feeds stopped. She was giving some medication to kick start her liver and organs to work properly. She finally went back on feeds on December 13th, 2013. As of today she is at 3cc every 3 hours. She, like Cianna, has some catching up to do, but all in due timing. All in all she had a great week. 

 Hadassah - December 11th, 2013

Daddy admiring Hadassah

December 11th, 2013

 Hadassah - December 12th, 2013

 Hadassah - December 13th, 2013

Hadassah on Cpap

December 16th, 2013

Isabella

Well, Isabella had a great week. She started at 1cc every 6 hours on December 7th, 2013 and as of today she is at 8cc every 3 hours! So here is how it works... 15cc every 3 hours is a full feed for her size and age, so once she gets to 15cc they will take out her Picc line and stop nutrients by IV. Therefore she will be only fed via her nose tube with my milk only! Isabella increases by 1cc every 24 hours (every day). So by Christmas Eve she will be at 15cc (God Willing). I'm so excited and happy about that! She is making such progress! She did have her PDA surgery on Tuesday, December 10th, 2013. The same team that did Cianna's came to Virtua to complete Isabella's surgery. (Dr. Fuller). Isabella did great and recovered quickly from her surgery. She hasn't needed blood transfusions or dopamine in the past week. Go Isabella! She is gaining so much weight and so quickly now that she is on milk feeds. As of today she is only 3 ounces shy of being 2 pounds. She still freaks out during her care and she doesn't like to be touched by the nurses. I'm praying she cuts that out so I can hold her soon. If she continues to do well with her breathing then they will extubate her and put her on Cpap like her sister Hadassah. All in all she has a great week.

Isabella after her PDA surgery.

December 10th, 2013

Isabella - December 11th, 2013

 Isabella - December 13th, 2013

Isabella - December 16th, 2013

She loves belly time and sucking her thumb!

Cianna

In my last update, Cianna was recovering nicely from her PDA ligation surgery and from her NEC. The past week she has been doing pretty good. Her settings on her ventilator started going down. She wasn't requiring any blood transfusions, morphine or dopamine. On Tuesday, December 10th she began her milk feeds at 1 cc every 6 hours and progressed to 1cc every 3 hours by Thursday, December 12th. I went up to see her on the 12th and she was getting an X-ray due to spitting up her milk twice with blood. So they stopped her feeds and monitored her closely. Doctors determined that she had gastritis. I went back on Friday the 13th and she was doing a lot better and no longer bleeding. However, they didn't start her feeds again. I gave Chop a rest on Saturday and then Sunday the 15th I got 3 calls from three different doctors regarding Cianna. Her hemoglobin was extremely low on Sunday morning ( a level 4). Her white blood cell count was also very high which indicates an infection. So they started giving her antibiotics and a blood transfusion. The little red dots on her fingers are now on her toes and the Doctors are unsure as to what is causing this. I went up to visit her Sunday night and she was doing better and still getting blood. Still not on milk feeds though. Yesterday, I called the hospital to get an update on her. She was doing a lot better! No more blood, but she is still on antibiotics. Doctors said that her blood test numbers show she is sick but Cianna herself isn't acting sick as she is moving around etc. Considering that she went through a lot this past week she still managed to gain 3 ounces! So she is now at 1 pound 6 ounces (2 ounces over her birth weight). Over all we have a lot to be thankful for! Happy 4 weeks baby girl!

Cianna - December 13th, 2013

Cianna - December 15th, 2013

Cianna - December 15th, 2013

Wide awake!

Kangaroo Care

It hasn't happened yet. I was supposed to hold Isabella on Tuesday, December 10th but Chop got there early and started working on her so no kangaroo care for her or me that day. The girls are all doing better but I don't want to push them to far too fast, so I know that time will come and the nurses and Doctors will all be there to tell me "it's time." I'm more excited about holding them then nervous now that Isabella and Hadassah are inching closer to 2 pounds. I'll keep you all updated ;)

Weekly Milestones

The girls are 4 weeks old today. I can't believe how fast the time has past by. In another two days they will officially be 1 month old! I can't believe it! Here are photos of the girls at 1 day old compared to 28 days old:

 Hadassah

 Isabella

Cianna

Breastfeeding/Pumping

So like always I mention this because lets be honest, I never thought I would be doing this. Even when I thought I was only carrying one baby I never planned on breast feeding/ pumping. I'm quite proud of myself here. I know it's nothing huge or major but I'm completing a goal I never really thought I would be able to do. So anyway, the pumping to getting a lot better! Every day my daily total of ounces is more and more, maybe by 1/5 an ounce to an ounce but still it's increasing! I'm chugging down the oatmeal though I HATE it. And I'm still taking the Fenugreek, which yes, its still making me smell like IHOP. I had a chance to sit down with the Lactation Consultant at Chop on Friday, December 13th. I was telling her how I usually get 2-3.5 ounces every 3-4 hours. I was telling her how I would really like more than that. I was actually pumping while talking to her. At the end of our conversation I had pumped for about 20 minutes and got 5 ounces!!!!! Oh yeah! I was so excited. So now I'm getting between 3-4.5 ounces every time I pump and sometimes I pump every 2 hours. So praise the Lord! I do actually pray and ask God for an increase in supply every time I pray. I'm weird... I know it ;)

Vero thought it was funny to catch me 

"checking" how the pumping was going. hahaha 

Weight Stats of the Girls & Myself ;)

Hadassah

11/19/13 - 1 lb. 6 oz.

11/26/13 - 1 lb. 4.6 oz.

12/3/13 - 1 lb. 4 oz.

12/10/13 - 1 lb. 10 oz.

12/17/13 - 1 lb. 11oz. (YAY!!!)

Isabella

11/19/13 - 1 lb. 3.4 oz.

11/26/13 - 1 lb. 3 oz.

12/3/13 - 1 lb. 1.6 oz.

12/10/13 - 1 lb. 11 oz.

12/17/13 - 1 lb. 13 oz. (YAY!!!!)

Cianna

11/19/13 - 1 lb. 4 oz.

11/26/13 - 1 lb. 1.2 oz.

12/3/13 - 1 lb. 2.1 oz.

12/10/13 - 1 lb. 3 oz.

12/17/13 - 1 lb. 6 oz (YAY!!!)

Jackie

Pre-pregnancy - 146 pounds

Delivery Weight - 180 pounds

2 weeks postpartum - 155 pounds

4 weeks postpartum - 154 pounds 

Special Thanks to Everyone

Tito and I would just like to thank everyone for responding to what we need. Thank you to my aunts, cousins and friends who took it upon themselves to forward what we need to their own friends and family on Facebook, churches etc. We have received some help and it is very much appreciated. Special thanks to my mother and father who help me with filling up my tank and driving me to and from Chop at least 3-4 times a week. I couldn't have asked for better parents that have helped me so much! Thank you to my aunts who feed me every time they come to visit the girls with me. Thank you to my cousin Veronica who spends every free day she has in the hospital with me. She truly keeps me sane by keeping me company. Thank you for all the hot chocolates ;) I love you so much Verito! Thank you Oasis's Women's ministry for the generosity that you have shown towards me and my family! Thank you for the gift! Thank you to everyone who is praying and reaching out to me everyday. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Thank you cards...

For those who gifted us, came to the shower, etc.... Thank you cards are coming your way. I have not forgotten its just been crazy since the shower. 

XOXO,

Jackie